So I have been grumpy lately... I guess anyone 9 months pregnant and desperately trying to extract the child would be. To add to that, anytime I see anyone I know- or whenever anyone calls me, it's always about the baby. "Oh you haven't had that kid yet?" "You poor thing, your still around!" "How are you feeling?" and my favorite, that I just heard today, "Every time I see you, you get bigger and bigger". It's times like these that really get a person down. In fact, I have seriously considered not answering my phone or leaving the house until after the kid comes out :) I told Alex there is no way I am going to church next Sunday if I haven't had the baby. I even tried making Eggplant Parmesan last night. It was funny actually, it took Alex and I about 2 1/2 hours to prepare- and didn't end up eating it until after midnight! Apparently there is the restaurant in Atlanta Georgia that says you will go into labor within 48 hours of eating this recipe. Alex's brother's wife tried it and 30 minutes later her water broke. So being the "I will try anything" person that I am....we did it.
Needless to say, nothing has happened yet.
So here is the kicker- I have spent the last 4 years teaching at church, I grew up in this church...and I know that the Lord answers prayers, and sometimes that answer is no. I know that the Lord is in charge, and he has your best interests at heart. I know he has a plan and purpose for everything, even if I can't understand that now. So why then is this so hard for me? And why had I not thought about all my selfishness until just today. I had thought, what difference could it possibly make if this kid comes out today, a week ago, or even yesterday? And I think I finally got it. It really doesn't, but I am trying to be in control when really I should have let God be in control. This all came out because I texted my midwife today to ask her what would happen if I went past my due date, since most hospitals would induce, and midwifes don't do that. She texted me back with this: "Nothing...most women do go past their due date. We just wait and trust that God made your body to give birth when its the right time." I cried.
How could I have missed such a basic principle in my belief system? How could I possibly think that I was above all that I taught, that somehow the rules didn't apply to me? Of course God made my body and this baby's body for the right time. And I don't know when that time will be, and I certainly should not be telling God when that time should be. I should not lock myself up in self pity, self absorption and depression, instead I need to be embracing the fact that at least I have alot of people who care about me- and one that knows me better then I know myself.
2 HOLLERS!:
Anne, I love you. I haven't called just for the simple fact that I didn't want you to feel like that was all I was calling about. I am ready for my newest little nephew to get here, but I know that he will come out when he is ready. I hope for your sake that it is soon. Although I have always been early I know how it feels to have all the questions aimed at the baby. When I ask how you are doing, I want to know about you! And if you need anything, please call. I want to be there for you. You are such an inspiration to me. I love you.
You are an amazing, amazing person :) I just have to say that a million times and I still think I don't say it to you enough! But you really are! I know its so hard to go over due when you just want the baby to come, but you stuck it out and you are such a surviver .... here's to you! I LOVE YA!
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